Lorraine & Eskaton

What a way to start the Labor Day weekend.  I've been trying to come to grips with the fact that Lorraine's ongoing medical care is costing more than we can afford.  Without selling property there's no way we can continue to have her in a private room in Eskaton.  I've been stressed over this heavily for the last 2-3 months, but it's been on my mind for the last several years. 

Lorraine has been in convalescent care for almost 5 years.  During that time, she's had limited income, outside of her long term care insurance which covers 30-40% of the cost of her bed.  The rest of the shortfall, I've been trying to cover through renting her properties, dwindling her available cash and supplementing out of my own pocket.  We've come to the point we have to make a change.  My thought was to preserve Lorraine and Sherry's desire to keep the houses and continue the path of renting to bring in supplemental income.  Of course this adds additional burden of maintaining the properties and responding to renters requests.  This of course came to a head as the existing renters moved out at the end of August and kicks off another cycle of looking for new renters.

The solution I was leaning towards and started down the path of, was to move Lorraine from a private room to a shared room.  Eskaton has had a bed available in a 4 bed room, but I knew Lorraine would not be happy with that many people.  She likes her privacy.  When she was in the Orinda care home, she was in a 3 bed room, and when first at Eskaton, a 2 bed room.  For the last 2+ years I've had her in a private room.  With the rising rates, the cost of a private room is roughly $1,000 more per month.    I've been holding out hope at Eskaton to have one of these rooms open up.  Today, my hopes were answered, but not the result I wanted. 

I received a call from Eskaton that a room was available and went to go check it out and discuss it with Lorraine.  The room was nice and still offered her a bed by the window.  It is a bit smaller, but since she hasn't gotten out of bed in several months, I didn't think it would be an issue.  I knew we'd have to pack up a lot of the stuff she has accumulated in her years at Eskaton. 

In my discussion with Lorraine, she was not happy and wanted to know why.  I attempted to explain the financial situation, but she didn't understand.  She's always said she was "dirt rich and cash poor." which meant she had property and not a lot of cash.  The cash disappeared some time ago paying for her ongoing care and medical bills.  I turned to renting the Orinda house to help bridge the gap, but the repairs and upkeep on it has caused it to not be as profitable as I had hoped.

Lorraine does not understand how long she's been in a care home, or the true cost of such a stay.  I've tried to take the worry of money away from her and not let her fret about it, but it appears I've failed there as well.  Now I have to deal with the emotional aspect of her having no cash and needing to do something drastic to take care of it.  There are really two options before me, selling the Orinda house or convincing her to move into the 2 bed room.  Neither option appeals to her and I'll have to help her decide what is the best course of action.  I started the day convinced the 2 bed room was the best option and now I'm leaning towards selling the Orinda house. 

Selling the Orinda house may be easier on me in the long run.  It removes the obligation and difficulty of managing the property and frees up steady capital to cover her care.  It brings in the difficulty of emotional attachments to a house that Lorraine will never return to.  Sherry of course will not be happy that the house she grew up in is being sold and will remind Lorraine of the painful decision.  Trying to understand what's the best option is very difficult for me.  I'm really torn on what's the right thing to do, for Lorraine, for Sherry, for me and for my family. 

We were set to move her tomorrow, but that is now on hold.  She has told the social worker at Eskaton she wants to stay in a private room, that she has the money to do so.  In a way she is right, the money is there, we just need to make it available.  I'm not sure she's aware of the consequences of her actions, something I'll have to revisit with her and make sure it's what she really wants.  Lorraine and I both are coming to the realization that you can't take it with you and as I've told her in the past, spend it on yourself, don't save it for anyone.  I will meet with Lorraine and the social worker early next week to decide what the future holds and hopefully arrive at a decision. 

Awfully heavy thoughts for a Friday afternoon on a 3 day weekend. I hope everyone has a great time this weekend and is able to spend time with their families and realize how precious life is and how we must always take care of one another.  Live each day to the fullest and have no regrets.